I've been feeling moony and day-dreamy lately, trying not to make myself miserable over anyone and failing pretty successfully. It's been five years since I was in a relationship and even longer since I was kissed by someone who meant it, or held hands, or cuddled, etc. This moony feeling will pass, it always does; probably more swiftly once Faire ends and I can get down to serious prep for the end of the year events and not think about anything else.
Still, in the dark at night, I wonder about love, and when I will learn to be still inside and content with the way things are. It is true that while I want someone who gets butterflies at the thought of talking to me, I have never felt I deserved that, instead settling for one-sided attraction to men who don't find me very interesting or compelling. As long as I feel I deserve to be ignored, I will be.
Still, it's been a long five years.
1 comment:
Seamstress,
Sometimes I think we hold against someone who likes us that they like us- how worthy are they to think we worthy of their love.
"Seek not the course of love, for love if it finds you worthy will guide your course..." Gebrahn
"Love the danger to the lonesomest one, Love if it only lives..." Nietzsche
Who could not love the black widow of another world and time? Alas, would we have met Stan Lee in life at the gathering of painful nostalgia.
"What we want is someone to want us to love them..." Sartre
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