In the Dark . . .

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. If you or someone you know is thinking of suicide call 800-273-TALK, or click here for resources.

I have taken a break the last month from blogging in an effort to get some shit in order and to try to move this blog more towards costuming and less towards me just bitching about stuff, which is not particularly useful to most people. But, today is an important day, I feel, so I wanted to say something about it.

Most of you who are more than casual readers to this blog know that I have contemplated suicide in the past, multiple times. I have gone down the dark road late at night when there is no one there. I have considered carefully the hows and whys of it, have thought about the ramifications to those left behind. I even went so far as to write a note once. I have felt muzzled by depression, felt ashamed. But, ultimately, I have reached out before taking action, usually to a friend or family member. I have realized that I did not want to die, I just wanted soeone to recognize the soul-crushing despair I was feeling.

This, I believe, is the tipping point for most people navigating through the dark. Is the despair too great to allow them to speak? Is the only action possible one of ending the pain? Or is there still enough will left for them to reach out one last time, and hope someone hears? I believe most people who ultimately commit suicide are unable to speak in those final hours. They cannot act in their own interest to make anyone see the despair; so often, friends and family say, "I never knew how bad it was. I never expected this."

Be aware. Take notice. Pay attention. I promise you, the people most at risk want you to see their pain, but they are unable to give it a voice. Reach out to the people who shy away, who shrug with indifference when you ask them how they are. Call the person you haven't spoken to in months, who pulls away from their friends. Don't take the easy answer when you know it isn't true; when the voice on the phone says, "Fine," and you know they feel the opposite. It is not easy to help someone who is suicidal. But, if you don't, if they cannot help themselves, who will?

Hug someone today, and make them feel less alone. It means so much.