Friday, June 26, 2009

Musings on marriage . . .

There's a lot of wedding-talk going on in my house right now, understandably so. None of it really concerns me directly, but it does get a girl to thinking about her own prospects . . . or lack thereof.

I have said it before, and my friends never take me seriously, but here it is: I will probably never get married. Sounds over-dramatic, right?
Consider these statistics:
-Have only had one boyfriend. Period.
-Broke up with him in 2005
-Have not had a date since 2007
-Have dated a grand-total of three people; two of them were only for a handful of dates

Doesn't sound all that promising, does it? You could say I'm really picky, but I haven't really been asked on a date in five years, so it isn't just that. I'm just one of those girls who seems like an island, I suppose; quiet, adrift, solitary, and perfectly fine that way. 99% of the time, I really actually like singlehood: no spending money on dates, spending time planning them, always worried if he's having a good enough time, if I'm keeping him interested, etc. I can cheerfully go to a film or a museum alone, enjoying the experience for what it is, discussing it with friends afterwards . . . and I have an abundance of friends, for which I'm always grateful.

But, the trouble with staying single as you start to get older is that it gets more and more awkward. I look around on buses and trains and spy women my age, and see the rings always present on their fingers. My friends, at least the ones my age and older, are all, almost 100%, married. I show up at dinners and parties and always wonder where I should sit; I am the odd-girl-out in seating arrangements made up of couples. I keep going to weddings and end up dancing with other people's husbands or not dancing at all, as those are the two choices now. Though I try to avoid this kind of thinking, I'm starting to wonder what's wrong with me; more and more, when I say I'll probably never get married, it starts to feel true.

It's the dark teatime of the soul, that 1% of the time when solitude seems lonely, and I don't like it. What about you, dear readers? All the single ladies put your hands up for me, as Beyonce says (who is not, by the way, a single lady). How do you get through being single and dealing with periodic longings for couplehood?


Chyrls Origami said...

I'm single like yourself right now and have not dated anyone since 1year ago. I believe its more of a choice rather than circumstances. I understand how you feel and want to let you know that I too found myself in those situations you described in the post. However, I believe in visioning. If you believe too strongly that you would be single, chances are, you would. I think as long as you are happy with your life and what you're doing, then you would be ready to share with with another person. By the way, I'm turning 35 and its the things I chose to do each day that I often forget my age. When you meet someone you like and feels right, its okay to ASK that person to go out as a friend, don't have to wait for him to ask. :)

privema said...

my wise old grandmother always said that it is better to be an old maid than to wish you were one!

Costume Queen said...

I am single as well. I'm 18-years-old and have never been on a date, never had a real kiss (real kisses on stage do not count, IMO), have never heard "I love you" from anyone but relatives and sister-like friends. I've been asked out a couple times but only by creepy guys who ask out everyone who happens to be a female.

Ginger said...

Costume Queen, you have time. Eighteen is very young, and that guy is out there; just remember: don't settle!

ThePeSla said...


Only God could love you for yourself alone and not those delicious apple and chocolate cakes on Friday- heart breaker, you have made us all oh so hungry.

To quote Kahil Gibran "Think not you can guide the course of Love, for Love if it find you worthy will guide your course."

We need a time machine for our great era. Oh I made a cake and it feel apart but it tasted so good. Thank you for you most interesting blog.

Deanna said...

Found you through SITS and happened upon this posting. I married at husband was 44. We just celebrated four years of wonderful marriage because we each married our best friend. Neither of us had been married before. There were no prior children. And dating had long been out of both of our social schedules by the time we met. My husband has a different view on life since he's been around this world a bit longer than me. And he will unequivocally say that it's worth the wait. He wasn't looking for me, I wasn't looking for him, but we were put together in a timing not set by either of us. Enjoy singledom but embrace that best friend and all he has to offer when he appears.

Leslie Ann said...

I hear your every word, Ginger, and let me tell you our lovestories are very similar! I've dated one fella, ever, for a short while, and hadn't been asked out after that for about two years. In the meantime, I've been working, on me and who I want to be, and the art I want to create, and the love I want to share, with friends and family. And yes, it has been lonely at times, and I have thought "what's wrong with me? why do i have to like things like stunt work and swordfighting?" who's gonna want to date me if they know i can beat them up?? But the more I work, and the more i train and the more i learn THIS is who I want to be, I know I'm heading in the right direction, and that "he who shall (eventually) be named" will appreciate, love and maybe even join in that :) Be who you are, do what you do, love who and what you love, challenge yourself, and know you're not alone. I love you, Beautiful Lady!!