Interesting Reading . . .

I read Tarot cards, which many of you may not know about me. I've been reading them for about ten years, but I rarely do readings for other people; I only trust my interpretations for myself, and there have been many times in my life when a reading has helped me to see an issue more clearly. I will sometimes get responses I don't expect and don't like, but the cards always tell me what I need to hear and usually tell me things I already know but haven't yet admitted to myself. I see Tarot as a way to get at your subconscious mind, and I am often astonished at what I find there.

I'm going through a phase right now of loneliness, and I decided to do a reading last night to see if love was near me and I couldn't see it, or what I could do to attract it to me. I have no specific person in mind, it was more a general question about how much longer I intend to stay alone. I say it that way because the cards are not magical and don't tell the future: they are tools of your own intentions, and you are in control of what you choose to do with what you find in them. It may sound strange to say that I have intended to stay alone this long when I am clearly tired of being lonely, but I have learned that loneliness is not a conspiracy by the opposite sex to avoid you at all costs; you repel or attract them, based on your own actions.

I decided on a pyramid spread, as it is medium in complexity, and this is not a simple yes-or-no question I'm asking. I shuffled the cards, thinking about relationships and love, and laid them out in the standard four-three-two-one formation. Then, I started to turn them over.

Wow. What an interesting reading. It got everything dead-on, and there were a few surprises in there too. The two cards describing the question were spot-on: what I'm truly looking for here is a partner, someone who sees me as an equal and companion, a relationship built on mutual respect and trust. Temperance is all about balance, and the Two of Pentacles is too. Then, we get to the heart and the head cards: The Queen of Cups, who loves deeply without losing her sense of self, and the Ace of Pentacles, about financial security and stability. In other words, I want someone I can love but who is mature and stable. Pretty clear-cut there.

Then, we get to some crazy cards: The Devil shows up in the price position. My own fears of my deeper desires will get in my way here, and cause some problems. My unhelpful influence appears to be my withdrawal from people in favor of nature, which is interesting, given my work this summer. I have literally been training myself to notice people less, and the World is warning me that this may make me miss out on an opportunity here. Then, the unexpected card, the Emperor, suggests a male who is playing with traditional male gender roles . . . interesting, as I know several men like this. It may be that these people hold a key to unlocking this situation for me.

Finally, we get to the crown of the reading. My helpful influence is a man who's a dreamer, deeply emotional, but master of those emotions. The King of Cups may be the partner I'm searching for, or may suggest I need to be more like him. The real zinger is the suggested action card, and this prompted a call to my best friend B at 10:00 last night: The King of Swords. Whenever I've done love readings for myself, the suggested action has always been something like the Hanged Man: suggesting I wait and see, remain passive and let things happen as they will, or accomplish other things first. This is the first time I've gotten a card like this in this position: it's time to fight for what I want. The King of Swords is a fighter; he's been through the wringer, and he has survived his hardships to come out on top. The cards seem to tell me that the time for wait-and-see is over, and it's time to go to the mattresses. The final card, the outcome, backs this up: the Three of Swords reversed tells of an end of sadness and depression.

Of course, I have no idea how to fight for love, and I don't have any intended targets, really. But, the reading was a real wake-up call: it's time to break out the big guns and find what I'm looking for.

Now, if I only knew who that was . . . .

* I use the excellent Vertigo Tarot deck, designed by Dave McKean, and I have always had very meaningful readings with it. Each person's deck preferences are different, and each deck has slightly different interpretations, though all share similar imagery. The interpretations I get from my cards might not be the same as what you would get from yours, so please don't use my deck or my reading as a template. There are a number of excellent books and literally hundreds of decks out there; I encourage you to find the deck that feels right to you, and learn more about an art that has been around for hundreds of years. There is nothing evil in Tarot; it is simply a way to read the story of your inner self.