Yesterday my boss sat me down and informed me that they know about the move.
While it's tough to keep something this big a secret, I had made an effort to tell very few people I work with. My intention was to have a new job in California lined up before I sat down and told them I was leaving. I was afraid they suspected something, but I was hoping they didn't, and that somehow, magically, a unicorn would ride up one day and deposit the perfect SoCal job in my lap, in the form of a rainbow-colored puppy. Then, I could give my notice.
Yeah. Not so much.
So, now I'm faced with an unstoppable force and an immovable object: my current job will bring in my replacement for me to train starting next month, and I will need to be out by the end of January, at the latest. They were very nice about the whole thing, but it was clear to me that they can't afford to keep on two receptionists indefinitely. I must have a position out in California soon, or I will be forced to find something new here.
My friends have all been supportive, saying, "Of course you'll find something!" It's nice to hear, but when you send out 30-40 resumes a day and the only responses you get are scams that want to steal your financial info or get you to launder money for them, it gets incredibly discouraging. Employment agencies out there refuse to find me anything until I'm actually there; I suppose they expect me to rent an apartment with my excellent phone skills and charm, and to turn tricks so that I can pay my bills and feed the rabbits. My dream has been unwavering, but my reality is looking pretty damn bleak.
Last week, I kept a positive, upbeat attitude; I was sure I would get good news any day, that my job problem would be solved. Nothing happened. Then this yesterday. My life is changing, and I know I'm at a precipice: I could end up in a life I never wanted, forced into decisions that will make me miserable for years to come. Or, with just the smallest amount of good fortune, I could actually make this dream happen. I'm trying to accentuate the positive here: I am employed for the moment, I have a roof, and my health, and I'm not starving to death. I have friends who love me, and my dream is still possible.
But, from the belly of the whale, things are looking pretty dark.