Fashioning Fashion . . .

I cannot tell you how excited I was to see that LACMA has this exhibit going on until the end of March. Roadtrip, y'all.

Walking Long Beach . . .

I took a little walk around my neighborhood the other day and started snapping. There is something very quietly serene about Belmont Shore; it feels quintessentially California without being too materialistic or vain. It is, to use a cliche, beachy.

My street. It really does look out on the ocean.

This is one of my favorite houses: green and more like a little storybook cottage than a beachfront property. The yard is full of the most gorgeous roses, and the other morning when I was out for a run the gardeners were trimming them and I got to take some of those roses home. Simply heavenly.

It was a particularly fine day, and the beach was full of people.

I love the front yards along my street. They all have tables and chairs and look more like outdoor living rooms than yards. After all, why sit in your living room when your yard has a view of the sea?

I'm finally starting to feel like I actually live in California. And, it's a pretty amazing feeling.

Leaving on a Jet Plane . . .

As this posts, I should be in the air, on my way to California. Wish me luck, dear readers; the day is finally here!

Auld Lang Sine . . .

Today, my last here in Chicago, is full of recollection and reflection. I have lived here pretty much my whole life, and have only briefly lived anywhere else. I have railed against the weather, the public transit, the sheer inconvenience at times of being an actor in this city, but really, all in all, Chicago has been pretty amazing, and I will miss it.

I'll miss the Art Institute, and standing in front of my favorite Caillebotte, wanting to get lost in it.

I'll miss visiting the wolves and the dolphins and stingrays every year at the Brookfield Zoo.

I'll miss the Farmer's Market in Daley Plaza all summer.

I'll miss knowing the trains and buses and navigating around without a thought.

I'll miss the crunchy leaves underfoot in fall, and the first burst of bloom on my favorite trees in spring.

I'll miss the familiar buildings and streets and towns.

I'll miss Bristol.

But, most of all, I'll miss all the people I leave behind here. While it's true I will still talk to them, that California is not Mars, I cannot pretend that I can just hop in my car and see them in 45 minutes anymore. There are two roads in this wood, and I'm taking the one less traveled. It's not the safe choice; I know I could stay in Chicago, move into a little studio here, keep doing Bristol every summer and auditioning for little plays and doing costume commissions here and there. Maybe I would eventually meet someone here and get married, and it would be a nice little life. But, ever since I was a little girl, I've wanted something more. To take the chance. To reach for that dream that seems impossible. I was frightened for so long to do this, but if this process has taught me nothing else, it's taught me that if you want something enough, nothing should stop you. That dreams are worth it.

Tomorrow, I leave Chicago. I will come back to visit, of course; there are too many amazing people here not to. But, I know that after today, it will always just be a visit, that I am leaving this place behind and turning over a new leaf in my life.

End of Book One.

Ready to Launch . . .

Just a few last days of packing, and I'll be all set. It's amazing to me that I can get my life in boxes. The truth, of course, is that I can't; my life is so much more than boxes or suitcases or bins. My life needs no moving truck, or shipper, or plane ticket. In all the hustle and stress of this move, I need to keep a firm hold on that.

California Decorating . . .

I'm starting to think about decorating my new space (even though I haven't seen it yet!). I'm hoping for lots of light, and I plan to use colors, riotous colors, which is something I never really had before. With all that sunshine, who can blame me for thinking in primaries? ;)

Boxing Day . . .

Yesterday was Boxing Day, in more ways than one. I spent around nine hours going through packed boxes with my sister to rearrange and seal them. then, I packed more. The costumes got boxed. The racks came down. The shelves in the workroom were taken apart. My life has become a stack of boxes: orderly, modular, completely masking the crazy beneath. 80% of it is from the workroom: trim and thread and fabric and beads and hats and wigs and heaven knows what else. I truly had no idea I had accumulated so much stuff.

I still have to tackle the kitchen and bathroom, which should take up one box each, and then . . . dun, dun, duunnnnnnnn: the bedroom. I have already packed some of my bedroom stuff, but if you were to walk into that room right now you would be assaulted by the god-awful mess and collection of things still straggling everywhere. I shiver to contemplate it: my New Years will no doubt be spent on this.

It's almost here. Two weeks from now, I will have spent my first weekend in my new apartment, in a new city, in a new state. I am excited and terrified, and I can't wait.

I just have to get there first.

'Tis the Season . . .

It's the holidays, so it's time to think about those less fortunate. The spirit of Christmas has always been, for me, the spirirt of giving, and not just ugly sweaters and ties. So, here's my annual round-up of my favorite charities, and I hope you'll consider donating to these worthy causes and changing a few lives this holiday.

First up: Heifer International.

This charity is dedicated to helping people in underprivileged countries with livestock. You can donate a chicken, a cow, a goat, and any of these things can make it possible for that individual or family to eat, to have milk, to be able to sell that milk or eggs to support themselves. It costs so little to change someone's life; just $20 donates a flock of chickens. A cow is $500, but think how far that money goes.

Next up: American Cancer Society

I don't have to tell you all the good this charity does: not only does your donation help fund research to seek better treatments and possibly even one day a cure for this disease, but you can also help support programs that educate and counsel people recently diagnosed. You can also volunteer at events that raise awareness, and even give gifts in memory of those who have lost their battle with the disease. They are doing good work everyday for those with cancer, and they are near and dear to my heart.

Finally: ASPCA

Okay, if the picture above doesn't melt your heart, I don't know what would;) The ASPCA is on the front lines saving animals from abusive situations, getting them medical treatment, helping strays, and in general making life better for our four-legged friends. Your donation could feed a homeless animal for a month, or get a stray cat or dog neutered and off the streets. You could be supporting a horse rescued from the slaughterhouse, or a rabbit that would have been euthenized when its owner refused to care for it. Their motto says it all: We are their voice. They cannot speak, so we need to speak up for them.

Lastly, a little bit of a personal plea. I hate asking for money; it's very hard for me, for obvious reasons. But, in spite of all I've tried to do to save money for the move, my rabbit recently got sick and his vet visits ended up costing me nearly $1000. I was happy I had the money to spend, but it means I'm very, very short. At this point, I can pay for the movers or my apartment, and I can't afford anything else. If you are reading this and you are so inclined, I'd greatly appreciate any small donation. Even $5 helps. The button on the top left connects to my "California or Bust" fund. I'd much rather you give money to the charities above before giving to me, but if you have anything left, I'd be endlessly grateful.

Happy Holidays, dear readers!

Love Conquers Cold . . .

I know it's taken me a few days to post on the wedding; after over a year of planning, I needed a few days of downtime to get my head back on straight. It's hard to believe it actually happened, and is over now.

I'll post later about the cake; that deserves it's own post;) This is just for day-of stuff.

First off, the Fairfield Inn and Suites is pretty awesome. Tabitha and I stayed the night on Friday (getting very little sleep), and while i don't have much experience of hotels, this was one of the nicer ones I've stayed in. Kudos to you guys, Fairfield. Saturday morning, the lovely ladies of Hairspray Revolution showed up to do our hair and makeup, and they made us all look truly beautiful (even me!). I cannot wait to have official pictures from Sarah Anna Hansen to show, but for now y'all will just have to look at the candids we were all taking;)

We ran a little behind with hair and makeup, and by the time we were ready to depart for the venue, it was cold and rainy. Tabitha donned her cape and muff, looking amazing, and we headed out under umbrellas.

Mrs. Murphy's and Sons Irish Bistro were pretty stupendous. I didn't worry about them all evening, which is pretty big for me! They got things done, and a special thanks to our day-of coordinator, our friend K., and her assistant J! Without them, there's no way things would have looked and worked the way they did!

Tabitha just glowed all night. the ceremony was beautiful and meaningful and we all sniffled and laughed our way through it, as it should be. I'm so glad our best friend R was the officiant; it gave the night even more meaning.

Dinner was delicious, but I don't remember much of it; we had to eay fast and then get up to take pictures! Still, what I do remember was pretty good;) At least none of the centerpieces fell apart or caught fire!

Thank you, DJ A-E! You added exactl what the night needed: great music and fun! I'm glad we have crazy friends, it was such a great time.

Yes; Tabitha did wear a Seamstress of Avalon piece for the reception;) You even need to ask?

All in all, the night was amazing and pretty much hitch-free. Everything was beautiful, and I'm so happy for them both. Now, onward to California!

Wish . . .

I have a phone interview tomorrow for a place I'd really like to work. Everybody cross fingers and toes and send me a little luck in a jar . . . I need it!

Vlogging is coming.

If that sounds ominous, it probably should;) I made the decision a few weeks aago that once I made the move out West, I would need to start vlogging to keep my friends and family back home informed of my doings (and to keep the from forgetting what I look like). I don't imagine the video-blogs will be deep, introspective entries into the ether, but I do hope to do a few how-tos and video dress diaries.

To that end: does anyone have recommendations for PC movie editing software? I've been looking at Sony Vegas, and I'd love to hear from people who might have experience with it!

Sorry/Grateful . . .

I was talking to my BFF B last night, and I realized a few things:

-The stress of the move is making me forget how exciting it is.

-I am not staying positive enough.

-I have fought for everything I have ever gotten in my life, so I know I'm up to this challenge.

It's crazy how insidious stress can be: one day you're planning decorating schemes in the apartment you don't have yet, window shopping for paint and rugs, and the next day you're barely eating and sleeping. Problems build up until you feel bowed by the weight of them, and you have dark days that are difficult to trudge through. But, I know how important it is to keep my eye on the goal, and that staying positive, especially now, can help me get there. It's also important for me to remember all the wonderful things I'm grateful for right now, that are helping me get out there; seeing as it's Thanksgiving here in the States this week, this seems like a great time to remember gratitude;)

I'm grateful for all the people that are trying to help me find a job in LA right now. There are so many wonderful, selfless people using time they could be spending on themselves to contact people who might have a job for me out there. I feel very blessed by all those people.

I'm grateful to my family. It's no secret that I've been stressed to breaking point lately, and they have all listened to me rant and rave endlessly about all the details. They never tell me to shut up, amazingly.

Lastly, I'm grateful to the series of little epiphanies (and a few big ones) that have pushed me in this direction. Of course I'm scared about this chage, but I'm ready for it. I needed a few little kicks in the ass at first to make me realize I was just treading water in my own life, and it was time to start actually living. It's time now.

I know there are still uncertainties out there about all this, and I will continue to stress over them (who wouldn't!). But, I will also, I promise, remember to stay positive, because Mr. Good News is just around the corner;)

The Monster Checks In . . .

Find Stress-Monster here

Yes, folks, it's another Monday morning in the city, one week closer to January 7th, 2011. This is Arthur P. Monster, your very own Stress-Monster, reporting.

It seems only yesterday that Ginger made the decision to move 2000 miles. And now the date is rapidly approaching. Let's see if she has any updates:

Oh.

She seems to be turning slowly in a circle and trying to catch the "bright lights" above her head.

All right. We'll check in later.

Clearly, the stress of not yet having a job is taking its toll. But, let's look at some positives:

-She recently had a good phone interview. She has not heard anything back from the company regarding next steps (and is unlikely to), but she remains hopeful.

-She had a tolerable lead on an apartment, and a very pleasant discussion with the manager of the building. The unit she was interested in will not be available for her, but she is still optimistic that another unit in the building might open up before January.

-Lots of friends have put out lots of feelers for her. No returns yet, but good news could happen any day.

Yes, despite setbacks regarding her current job and budget, Ginger remains ever-hopeful that the next three weeks (gulp!) will see outstanding news in the job department.

This is Arthur P. Monster, resident Stress-Monster, reporting.

Now, I need to go and move her before she wears a groove in the floor.

Good(ish) News . . .

. . . Or, at least better than most of the news lately.

Coming off of the whole "work finding out about my move early" debacle, I was pretty excited to get a phone call from a company I had applied to for what proceeded to be a very pleasant hour-long interview. It seemed to go well, until, of course, I had to tell her when I arrive in Los Angeles. I hope, crossing fingers and toes and holding breath and wishing REEEEAAL hard, that I will still be in the running even after they interview the local candidates. Luckily, they are not based in LA, so they will be doing phone interviews first with everyone.  Yay, equal footing! But, after that, the best candidates will go into the LA office to test. Booooo! I did say I'd be available to fly down there and test in mid-December, and dagnabit I will if I'm one of the final cabdidates. But, I'm worried that my being so far away will lose me the chance entirely.

Everybody send good thoughts my way, and cross your fingers!

To Illustrate My Last Remark . . .

Yesterday my boss sat me down and informed me that they know about the move.

While it's tough to keep something this big a secret, I had made an effort to tell very few people I work with. My intention was to have a new job in California lined up before I sat down and told them I was leaving. I was afraid they suspected something, but I was hoping they didn't, and that somehow, magically, a unicorn would ride up one day and deposit the perfect SoCal job in my lap, in the form of a rainbow-colored puppy. Then, I could give my notice.

Yeah. Not so much.

So, now I'm faced with an unstoppable force and an immovable object: my current job will bring in my replacement for me to train starting next month, and I will need to be out by the end of January, at the latest. They were very nice about the whole thing, but it was clear to me that they can't afford to keep on two receptionists indefinitely. I must have a position out in California soon, or I will be forced to find something new here.

My friends have all been supportive, saying, "Of course you'll find something!" It's nice to hear, but when you send out 30-40 resumes a day and the only responses you get are scams that want to steal your financial info or get you to launder money for them, it gets incredibly discouraging. Employment agencies out there refuse to find me anything until I'm actually there; I suppose they expect me to rent an apartment with my excellent phone skills and charm, and to turn tricks so that I can pay my bills and feed the rabbits. My dream has been unwavering, but my reality is looking pretty damn bleak.

Last week, I kept a positive, upbeat attitude; I was sure I would get good news any day, that my job problem would be solved. Nothing happened. Then this yesterday. My life is changing, and I know I'm at a precipice: I could end up in a life I never wanted, forced into decisions that will make me miserable for years to come. Or, with just the smallest amount of good fortune, I could actually make this dream happen. I'm trying to accentuate the positive here: I am employed for the moment, I have a roof, and my health, and I'm not starving to death. I have friends who love me, and my dream is still possible.

But, from the belly of the whale, things are looking pretty dark.

Becoming Real . . .

As stressed as I am about January, and about not yet having a job, something curious has happened over the last few months. I stopped feeling afraid to leave.

At the beginning of the year this target was still a long way off and still felt like something some movie character was going to do:

SCENE: Girl picks up her life and moves to LA for a shot at becoming a star.

Any time I talked about the move to my skeptical and discouraging friends I kept my voice resolutely upbeat, confident, and positive; if none of them believed I could do it, I had to believe that much harder, and never waver. Inside, of course, I was as skeptical of myself as they were. And, I was terrified. Who was I to believe in myself? Why should I think I could do this without a net? Alone? But, I couldn't say these things to anyone, because I didn't want to hear anyone say, "Then, don't do it." That would be all that was needed to crumble my resolve, and topple any threads of faith I had in myself to make this happen. But I was scared to do it. I had never lived on my own, so independent, so cut off from my support system. There was a part of me, in the back, whispering insistently, that never believed I could do this.

Then, somewhere in the last 11 months, the fear started to go away. It happened so gradually I didn't even notice it leaving; suddenly I wasn't just giving lip-service to my plans. I wasn't pretending to have a confidence in my leaving. It wasn't just a wish, or a hope, or the plot of some movie happening to somebody else.

It was real.

Somewhere in the last year, I realized that I really am leaving. In January, I will be 2000 miles away from here, sitting in another office, most likely, typing at another computer. I will be shopping at a new grocer, parking my car outside my tiny-ass studio apartment, arranging my furniture until everything is just so and it feels like home. I will be making a new life.

Sure, there are some substantial roadblocks still to overcome. I'm short on funds. I don't have a job in LA yet. I don't have a tiny-ass apartment to move into. But, I'm sending belief-rays so intensely out into the universe that I'm not willing to give up this plan yet. It will happen, somehow. No Plan B, remember?

I was talking to someone the other day about the move, and all that still has to fall into place before it can happen. He looked at me after all my talk of struggling to find a job and worrying about not having enough money and simply said, "Yeah, but, you're ready. You sound ready." It made me smile.

I am ready.

Stress-Monster Special Report . . .

This is a Special Report by Arthur P. Monster.

It seems that even in this difficult economy, when there are more job-seekers than ever, the scam-employers are coming out in force. As desperation mounts, the scammers look to take advantage of people who need a job at any cost. And, Ginger is no exception.

An example of a few of the scammers she's encountered in the last few weeks of her job search:

-An "employer" looking for a personal assistant, who was out of the country seeing to a school in Peru for orphans. He needed her to take care of "payments" for him in this country, and to look in on foster homes while he was away. A money laundering scam with an interesting philanthropic twist, it seems.

-Another "employer" who required her to purchase a "free" credit report to send to their company, full of sensitive financial data, before they could set up an interview.

-Another "employer" who wanted her to sign onto Yahoo Messenger for an interview, then tried to download a virus onto her computer.

-A particularly skeevy "employer" who wanted pictures of her, and suggested high heels and lace for the "interview".

Now, this isn't the first time she's encountered scammers in her job search; being laid off three times in the space of three years means there's been a lot of job-seeking going on. There will always be job scammers lurking on Craigslist and the like. But to see them getting so inventive now when people's situations are so desperate feels particularly offensive and upsetting. Even to a Stress-Monster, this stuff seems distasteful.

Unfortunately, Ginger has yet to receive any actual quality responses to the 126+ resume submissions she's made in the last ten days (apart from one employment agency who was uninterested in talking to her once they found out when she was relocating). She's still hopeful something will pan out in the next 27 days, but if these scammers are anything to go by, that hope seems bleak. It's starting to look like the scammers are the only ones "hiring".

This is Stress-Monster, with a Special Report.

No Plan B . . .

I had a long and upsetting talk with my sister last night, outlining my fears for the next few months re: the Big Move.

See, all my life, I've been a Fixer, a Get-Shit-Done Machine, a Problem Solver. We had a lot of roadblocks when I was younger, never enough money, and I became an expert at figuring out how to make things happen. I could create elaborate Rube Goldberg-esque plans to try to get the things myself and my family wanted or needed. I very rarely took no for an answer, because I've always believed that if you wanted something enough there was a way to get it. Everything I've gotten in my life has been gotten through this skin-of-your-teeth mentality; nothing has ever just happened or landed in my lap.

The Big Move is like this: I made the decision, and I haven't stopped fighting since. Every waking moment has been spent planning and scheming and rearranging plans and schedules and budgets. My life is focused, incredibly focused, on getting out there. And, I have no Plan B if I fail.

I'm starting to really believe that I won't find a job. And, without a job, I can't leave Chicago. Period. I do not have the money saved to live out in LA for two or three months while I look for a job there; I would need an extra $5-7K, and unless I get a sugar daddy or a Daddy Warbucks in the next month, that won't be possible. The dreary abyss this idea opens before me is vast and almost inescapable; when I have been so trained on being there, staying here will be a failure of epic proportions. I would have to admit to myself and everyone else that I just wasn't good or smart enough to make this happen, and now I'm stuck with the alternative. I don't know how to survive that.

This sounds grandiose and over-dramatic, but I don't know how you get more important than the rest of your life. Here in Chicago, I would never make enough money to save enough to leave and live on my own at the same time, so if I don't leave in January (while I'm still able to share rent and bills) and I'm forced to find a place here, I'll never get out. Ten years from now I'll be shovelling out my car from another snow storm and I'll look back on this time and realize that this was where I lost my dream. Not because I gave up or was too afraid to try for it. Because I failed.

There is no Plan B. My new life starts in January, or it stays in limbo. And for once, I don't know how to make this work.