This past weekend marked the start of rehearsals for Renaissance Pleasure Faire in Southern California. It also marked the return to Gaia after so long. It was astonishing to find her again, and a little surprising to realize how much work I still have to do before I am doing more than just "playing a fae".
Remember three years ago, when I was cast as Gaia, and I started posting all these blogs about the process of learning to be in the moment, exist in my skin and truly believe I belonged there? I don't think it is exactly accurate to say I have to start over; I am still Gaia, and she's still in there. But, it was like visiting a friend after a few years and realizing you're into different things now: a little jarring and slightly out-of-step. It seems I need to learn a slightly different dance this time around. Maybe it is because I am a little older, and the girl I was has evolved once more. Maybe it is the different place, the different energy of the site. Maybe it is the feeling of being an outsider that gives me the sense that Gaia is strange and new suddenly. Perhaps it is all of these things.
I think, though, that it is more a sense of finding your way in a familiar room when the lights have been turned out. I will get to the other side, and I pretty much know where everything is, but I may bump a few things on the way. In any case, it was a wonderful weekend full of change and discovery and new people who are pretty fantastic, as a whole. I'm so happy to be doing this, my heart feels just a little bit too full each time I think of the next few months.
I'll see y'all at the faire.